Prop19 and the buzzkiller Eric Holder
October 18, 2010
(ChattahBox Op/Ed News) – Cali, you thought you could have it all. You thought you could have your blunt and smoke it too. You and your buds, Spicoli and The Dude thought that soon you’re going to be able to get stoned legally. While the rest of had to slink around in the shadows like a televangelist lurking in the red light district, you were going to be baking in the sun. Just three weeks before those you who remember to vote, the Attorney General of the United States Eric Holder, announced in a press conference that even if you pass proposition 19, “big brother” is still coming after you.If you haven’t been paying attention you wouldn’t be alone. Proposition 19 allows for individuals to legally possess one ounce of marijuana and that cities can authorize the sale of marijuana and of course tax it. If nobody cared why did Holder have to play Mr. Hand to your Spicoli? Bummer.
Listen, don’t be so bummed, prop 19 doesn’t look like it’s going to pass. It’s trailing 10 points in a recent poll, but even if you get busted it’s nothing to sweat over. The Terminator recently signed a law making possession of one ounce of pot a misdemeanor punishable with a ticket and a small fine.
I know why you’re looking at me like that, Cali. it makes no sense. Holder had no real reason for the announcement. Prop 19 was barely a blip on the nation’s radar. With the exception of California and jam band followers nobody was talking about it. Sure Mexico was unhappy but we really don’t care what they have to say. As long as Cancun is open and it’s always happy hour we’re good. Then there was the nine former heads of the DEA who stated their opposition publicly but what else are they gonna do? It was their jobs to keep you separated from your weed. Some of them still make a little cash speaking at VFWs and county Republican fundraisers. They are not about to ruin their gravy train over your freedom to use. So I’m just as confused as you are dude. Weird things happen close to elections.
Don’t worry, Braw, things are trending in your way. Eighty precent of us support medical marijuana and fourteen states have already made it legal. And did you know that almost half of Americans support decriminalizing weed altogether? Oh, you’re not impressed? Let me break it down for you. Once it’s legal to hold across the country, you’ll be able to follow Phish on their next tour without worry.
In the meantime get organized and don’t worry about Holder. No, I meant Eric Holder I didn’t say that I was holding. Focus, Cali, focus, I’m giving you pearls here. Get organized and if you fail this election don’t give up. Eventually America will wise up to the fact that it’s an absolute waste of taxpayer money to criminalize an activity that is no less harmful than alcohol.
One last tip, fire one up, order a pizza and whatever you do, don’t forget to vote in November. What was that? Yes, this November.