The GOP Whackadoodle List
October 30, 2010
(ChattahBox Op/Ed) – The rhetoric is rising. Tempers are flaring and the lying is more pervasive than porn in a Paladino email. It’s clear the elections are very close. With all the political news, commercials and pundits punditing about, it’s impossible to escape the simple fact that come next Tuesday the world is coming to an end, unless of course you vote for a Republican (Republicorpians from this point forward) or depending on your point of view the Democrat. I’m thinking those ancient Mayans were off just a little and what they were trying to tell us is that our political system is going to scare us to death in 2010 not in 2012 as previously reported.
I’ll have to admit I’ve been caught up in the excitement and have written some, well, let’s just say I’ve written some things about Republicorpians that would’ve caused The Penguin to slap the hell out of me just as she did to the Blues Brothers. Not because they weren’t true but because the language I’ve used has been concise, insulting and deserved. With this in mind I’ve wondered if what I’ve written has been a little over the top. I mean I’ve been particularly harsh on Republicorpian extremists (mislabeled as Tea Party candidates). So I decided to take a few days off to see if perhaps I’ve been unfair or unobjective.
In the midst of my short sabbatical Keith Olbermann goes on a twenty minute rant (part 1, part 2) and did what I don’t have the time nor the staff for, he compiled a list of Republicorpian extremists running for office. In doing so he relit the snark fire I had going and justified my well earned fear of these whackadoodles. So with Mr. Olbermann’s help and a few of my own, I’m going to list the Republicorpian’s finest and a short blurb of why the made the list. I’m only going to give you a little bit on these “special” folks so f you feel I’ve been unfair, do a little research of your own and get back to me. So without further ado, here’s the 2010 Republicorp’s Whackadoodle List of Whackadoodles!
Listed is their name, what state they’re from, what they’re running for and what gets them on the list;
- Rich Iott, OH, US Rep. Plays dress up. Problem is it’s as a Nazi. Honestly do you want your Rep dressing as a Nazi?
- John Raese, WV US Sen. Mega Millionaire industrialist who made is “money the old fashioned way he inherited it”. Opposes most government spending but has had no problem accepting millions in government contracts. Opposes min wage, right to choose, Dept of Ed, homosexuals in military and just about everything the civilized world believes in.
- Todd Young, IN US Rep. Opposes social security calls it “welfare for seniors” and a “ponzi scheme”. Never mind that the seniors paid into it through out their lives and that without it there would be no safety net in the event of an economic meltdown. Remember 1929?
- Reid Ribble, WI US Rep. Hard core religous right winger. Wants to end social security. Lied about loss of health insurance.
- Jesse Kelly, AZ US Rep. Another guy who doesn’t believe the govt. should do anything including ensuring our food supply is safe. Says, “it’s our job to protect ourselves“. Bye bye FDA, Hello salmonella.
- Sharon Angle, AZ US Sen. Suggests armed insurrection in US, equates rape and counseling to “lemons and lemonade”, says Dearborn, Mi is under Sharia law, can’t tell is students are Latino or Asian, honestly I could go on and on. Whackadoodle of the first order.
- Joe Miller, AK US Sen. Maybe the most surly and unlikeable of the bunch. Admits to using govt computer for political purposes then admits to lying about it. Hired goons rough up and handcuffed reporter, loathes govt spending but takes govt handouts, etc, etc, etc.
- Ken Buck, CO US Sen. Another hates all thing govt guy. Wants to privatize the VA medical system, opposes abortion even in cases of rape, opposes homosexuals in military, I guess they don’t shoot straight, thinks Dept of Ed is unconstitutional, again etc, etc, etc……
- Keith Rothfus, PA US Rep. Believes if the Supreme Ct renders a decision he doesn’t agree with, congress can defund them. Isn’t that blackmail?
- David Harmer, CA US Rep. Wants to abolish all public schools. Want your kid going to a McHigh School?
- Keith Fimian, WV US Rep. Just about as conservative as they get. Opposes all the biggies, right to choose, homosexuals in military, healthcare reform, Dept of Ed (WTF do these people have against the Dept of Ed?!!), the 17th amendment (idiot, he’s not the only one), etc.
- David Schweikert, AZ US Rep. Yet another super conservative wanting the death of the Dept of Ed.
- Mike Lee, UT US Sen. Do you as a citizen like the right to vote for your senator? If he has his way you won’t be able to.
- Rand Paul, KY US Sen. Not much of a fan of the civil rights act. Loves the constitution but not the 14th amendment, Aqua Buddha, and has a campaign manager that stomps on the heads of women. I could go on and on about this guy but wiki does it better.
- Louie Gohmert, TX US Rep. Kooky nutjob or as they call them in Texas, a Republican. Was adamant that Muslims were giving birth to “terror babies” who one day would unleash horror in the US. Kind of reminded me of “manbearpig”
- Jan Brewer, AZ Gov, erroneously claimed human heads were showing up all over Arizona. Couldn’t form a coherent sentence during her gubernatorial debate.
- Dan Maes, CO Gov, another ultra conservative, believes bike sharing plan is UN plot to take over the US.
- Ron Brown, WI Sen, opposed child abuse bill on grounds it might hurt business, opposed holding BP accountable while holding 100k of BP stock, not a fan of gay marriage or any of the other Tea Party favs, believes global warming is caused by sunspots, etc.
- Christine O’Donnell, DE US Sen. What can I say about this horror film that hasn’t been said. Luckily she won’t win. Sadly she’ll be a mini Palin. Remember voter, just because the candy wrapper looks pretty, it doesn’t mean it’s candy inside.
- Vicky Hartzler, MO US Rep is a bible thumping anti-gay everything, marriage, dadt, etc. You can have religion just keep it out of government. Can I get an amen?
- Carl Paladino, NY Gov. Porno, bestiality email disperser who has no idea what he’s supposed to say. Seems to hate gays, then not so much.
- Allen West, FL US Rep. Forced to retire from the military for an incidence with a detainee, once said he has a higher security clearance than Pres. Obama, thinks “coexist” stickers represents ‘giving our country away”, hates Islam and all the Tea Party malarky.
Okay, I’m done. This is by no means a complete list of crackpot candidates running under the Republicorp banner. Nor is this the only evidence against them. I could’ve gone on and on but then it would’ve been too long for you to read and I would’ve bored myself into my second six pack of Shiner Bock. If you’ve read this and thought to yourself “I don’t know what he’s talking about, they all seem like perfectly good candidates to me” then do two things; First remember these people are running for high office. They represent you and their decisions have very important consequences. Second, this weekend take a long 4 or 5 day trip up north or up in the mountains to see the colors and don’t come home until Wednesday. Trust me Washington has enough psychos running around the capital, they don’t need anymore.