S.C. Ghoulish Sexploits: Take a Stripper, Sex Toys, Viagra to Cemetery

October 29, 2009

(ChattahBox)—From the wacky state of South Carolina, home to Governor “King David” Mark Sanford and his Appalachian Trail mambo and famous presidential heckler, Joe “You lie” Wilson, now comes a novel way to celebrate Halloween. It’s fun! Anyone can do it, as long as you are an elderly Republican right-wing state official with a libido revived by Viagra. With a rekindled libido in hand, [no pun intended] the rest is easy.

Just swing over to a nearby gentleman’s club to pick up an 18-year old stripper, get out your always at the ready bag of sex toys, and this part is key; drive to the cemetery and start celebrating. Making spooky noises is optional, but recommended.

No, this sordid but highly entertaining tale is not a satirical piece from The Onion, it really happened. The creative Halloween merrymaker is Roland Corning, 66, a deputy assistant South Carolina attorney general and former state legislator, who was caught by the police in a secluded area of Elmwood Cemetery on Monday.

The Columbia police had the cemetery under surveillance, because of prior sexual non-Halloween shenanigans occurring among the gravestones, and the police witnessed Corning entering the cemetery in his Ford Explorer. Before Corning could get in a proper celebratory mood, he spotted the police officer and “attempted to make a hasty retreat, spinning the tires in the driveway and accelerating rapidly,” according to the police report.

Corning sped out of sight, before officer Michael D. Wines had time to return to his cruiser. Officer Wines then radioed in a description of Corning’s vehicle and he was stopped a few blocks from the cemetery. The police questioned Wines and the unnamed 18-year-old stripper from the Platinum Plus Gentlemen’s Club.

The police report stated that Corning and the woman gave “conflicting statements as to why they were at the location, and to their relationship.” “At that point I asked if there was anything illegal in the vehicle, which he stated no and gave consent to search,” Wines wrote.

Wines found a bag of sex toys and a sex enhancement drug. Corning explained that he had a prescription for the Viagra. And regarding the bag of sex toys, Corning told the police officer he kept them stashed in his vehicle, “just in case.”

Well, Corning had done nothing illegal and the police officer let him go, but before he did, Corning decided to whip out his “state attorney general’s badge.” Officer Wines’ wife Megan Wines happens to work for the State Attorney’s office, so he called his wife to confirm Corning’s identity.

Megan Wines then reported Corning’s unusual lunchtime activities at the Elmwood Cemetery to Deputy Attorney General John McIntosh, where the tale made its way all the way to Attorney General Henry McMaster’s office. Within two hours Corning was promptly fired.

According to Talking Points Memo, Corning was known as a rabid anti-abortion politician during his time in the state legislator:

“In happier days, Corning was an ardent pro-life politician best known for introducing a law in the South Carolina legislature that would have made the subdermal contraceptive device Norplant mandatory for women on welfare. Even then, though he was no stranger to controversy. In 1994, during a floor debate with pro-choice state Rep. June Shissias, Corning asked Shissias whether she herself had ever had an abortion. Later he admitted the remark was ‘probably insensitive’ but said he was ‘sick and tired of the women representatives in this body acting like, just because we’re men and male, we don’t know anything about women.’“

You just can’t make this stuff up. Thank you South Carolina for providing the rest of us with so much free entertainment, which we all appreciate during a time of recession.

Source


Comments

12 Responses to “S.C. Ghoulish Sexploits: Take a Stripper, Sex Toys, Viagra to Cemetery”

  1. John Jenrette on October 30th, 2009 12:12 pm

    Not right! Only V2 Magazine is allowed to take exotic dancers to graveyards!

  2. henry on October 31st, 2009 3:52 am

    oh,this is a creazy site,According to Talking Points Memo, Corning was known as a rabid anti-abortion politician during his time in the state legislator:

  3. Keith McAdams on October 31st, 2009 5:18 am

    I’m not exactly sure what you have against South Carolina or South Carolinians, but I found the underlying tone of this article to be lacking any “journalistic impartiality” and quite honestly should be relegated to the editorial section or even to a small corner on the last page under an ad for shoe inserts.
    There’s a difference between reporting the news and injecting it with your own sour, twisted views/opinions of South Carolina and the people who make up this great state. Perhaps you missed that day at journalism school or did you even attend one?
    Or is this smarmy trash “reporting”, the result of being upset that it wasn’t you partying with a politician in a graveyard?
    I don’t condone what Corning did, I think its deplorable. We are all human and do stupid things from time to time. He got fired for his lack of judgement.
    Your continued lack of professionalism in how you report the news may give you and Corning two things in common, if we’re lucky. C yoU Next Tuesday!

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