Trump’s Birth Certificate Not Official: Is He a Scottish Usurper?

March 29, 2011

(ChattahBox Political News)— Donald Trump’s loony birther roadshow, eagerly sponsored by Fox News, continued yesterday unabated with a surprise twist, like any good reality TV show. The loudmouth braggart released his own birth certificate to Newsmax, a right-wing birther conspiracy website, demanding that President Obama do the same. Obama’s official state-issued birth certificate has been available online for three-years. But the joke is on The Donald. The document he produced with much kooky fanfare, is not an “official” birth certificate issued by the Department of Health. It’s a non-legal birth document issued by the hospital to the parents. So, now the question must be asked. What is Trump hiding? I’m not saying Donald Trump is an illegitimate Manchurian candidate usurper, smuggled into this country at birth to destroy American democracy as we know it. I’m just asking the question.

The Politico reports on another conspiratorial twist that casts doubt on Trump’s legitimacy to become the president of the United States. His mother was born in a foreign country.

“Trump’s mother, it should be noted, was born in Scotland, which is not part of the United States. His plane is registered in the Bahamas, also a foreign country. This fact pattern — along with the wave of new questions surrounding what he claims is a birth certificate — raises serious doubts about his eligibility to serve as President of the United States.”

Holy bagpipes!

“In Trump’s own words: “I brought it up just routinely, and all of a sudden lots of facts are emerging. And I’m starting to wonder myself whether or not he was born in this country.”

Exactly!

As Trump said about Obama’s legitimacy:

“I am really concerned.”

“There’s a real question…and if this birth certificate exists …”

“But he could have been born outside of this country. Why can’t he produce a birth certificate?”

Yes, Trump could have been born in Scotland and smuggled into the U.S. by his mother, knowing that he would someday become president of the Free World.

Why? Ah dinnae ken. But it’s probably part of a nefarious plot to force our men and women in uniform to go commando and don kilts, and replace our military marching bands with Highland warriors playing bagpipes. It would be a complete takeover of our American identity.

And get this, these Scots are not like you and I. They are bewitched by Sidhe the Gaelic, or fairies, diminutive supernatural beings determined to cause mischief in the lives of humans. And now they have their sights set on the United States of America!

As further proof that Trump and his Scottish fairy folk are secular evil forces bent on destroying God-fearing Americans, Scotland’s national animal is a mythical unicorn. Think about it. What sort of people adopt a mythical creature as their national symbol? Answer: commies and socialists.

Be afraid people. The facts are all there, you just have to connect all of the dots. Donald Trump is a Scottish-born usurper brought here with his army of sinister fairy folk, to force real Americans to call their babies bairns, and eat haggis and bannocks.

Watch Trump’s latest appearance on Fox News promoting his birther nonsense, wherein he called racist birther conspirators like himself “Great Americans” :

Photo Credits: Truffle fairies/Wikimeda/Ana Fuji/Flickr/Creative Commons Attribution. Donald Trump/NBC’s The Celebrity Apprentice/official photo.

(Update: Trump released an official birth certificate  issued by the New York City Department of Health, to ABC News today. Hmm, that was pretty fast, almost like it was produced out of thin air by fairies.


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