Church of Tiger Woods Closed Due to ‘Sins’ With ‘Sleazy Women’

December 4, 2009

(ChattahBox)—The nearly decade old online “First Church of Tiger Woods” created to celebrate “the emergence of the ‘true’ messiah” is now closed for business, due to the messiah’s steep fall from grace. John Ziegler, a talk-show commentator and official Pastor of the over-the-top fan site devoted to Tiger’s status as the “chosen one” of golf, has decided Tiger is no longer worthy of his fanatical devotion, because of his recent and very public “transgressions” with “sleazy women.”

The heartbroken Ziegler has now changed the name of the site to The Damnation of Tiger Woods saying, Tiger “is no longer deserving of being seen as a role model or a hero.” And Ziegler has replaced his usual devotional posts extolling Tiger’s greatness with an attack so harsh, that it’s reverberating around the blogosphere, like the grating sound of accusatory church bells.

Pastor Zeigler posted an explanation for his decision to shutter the First Church of Tiger Woods:

“After several days of evaluation, I have decided to disband the First Church of Tiger Woods (as indicated by the graphics at the top of this web site) and I will not renew the TigerWoodsIsGod domain name when it expires in a couple of months. Any future commentary on this site (which may not happen at all) will be regarding Tiger’s failings in relation to his affair/accident debacle which continues to unfold almost by the hour. […]

The events of the past few days have revealed Tiger to be a serial adulterer, a blatant liar, and a selfish coward. […]

As I have documented in my columns below, Tiger is clearly no longer deserving of being seen as a role model or a hero and he has needlessly squandered his unique potential to be a positive force in our country and the world.

Pastor Zeigler lists Tiger’s top two sins: “He has had multiple affairs with sleazy women while married to the mother of his children and he has, to this date, not told the truth about them. He has lied about the circumstances surrounding his accident in an arrogant and insulting fashion.”

On the formerly rabidly devotional site remain the sections: evidence of Tiger’s divinity, a prayer service for Tiger and the 10 Tiger commandments. Zeiger’s closing of his church, is ignoring the 10th Tiger Commandment:

“X. Thou shall pay no attention to Tiger’s apparent flaws. (we at the First Church are sure that there are good reasons for Tiger’s over-commercialization, temper, choice of girlfriend, lack of college degree, conflict of interest with CBS sportsline, and acceptance of appearance fees through his deal with Buick. One can not question the will of God.)”

Apparently, multiple extramarital affairs drew Pastor Ziegler’s attention.


One Response to “Church of Tiger Woods Closed Due to ‘Sins’ With ‘Sleazy Women’”

  1. toby on December 4th, 2009 1:45 pm

    lol to think he had to ruin his marriage to get this freaking nutjob off his back. Might have been worth it from what I can see.

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