Going Full Fischer: Man-Eating Grizzlies Sign of Evil ‘Curse’

November 9, 2010

(ChattahBox US News)—No, this is not an Onion story, but let’s face it, most of the overheated, insane rhetoric from far-right fundamentalist Christians comes off as farce. The head evangelical kook, and the most consistently entertaining, is none other than Bryan Fischer, the director of issues analysis at the American Family Association. What does he analyze? The usual apocalyptic End Times, Mark of the Beast prophecies, and such. But as pointed out by the Right Wing Watch blog, Fisher has carved out a special niche of hate for himself with gays, Muslims, and animal attacks. His latest Biblical warning is of the savage beast variety and it’s a doozie. Fischer warns his flock that killer Grizzlies should be hunted down, before they snack their way through the human race. Oh, and man-eating Grizzly Bears are a sure sign that we are cursed.

Mother Jones Magazine recently profiled Fischer’s very special analysis.

“As the director of issues analysis at the American Family Association, Bryan Fischer has issued some rather interesting “analysis” over the past year. He has said that Muslims should be banned from serving in the military; that a whale at Sea World should have been stoned to death for killing its trainer; that inbreeding makes Muslims stupid and violent; and that gay sex is a form of domestic terrorism. So naturally, he has been invited to speak to a huge gathering of conservative political activists this weekend, alongside such GOP luminaries as Rick Santorum, Mike Huckabee, Mitt Romney, Sen. Jim DeMint (R-S.C.), and Rep. Michele Bachmann (R-Minn.).”

Upon reading an article describing the plight of Yellowstone Grizzly Bears, Fischer became enraged because the author didn’t show enough sympathy for the deaths of two human victims. He then penned a bizarre screed intermixed with Biblical prophecy warning us of the frightening Man vs. Grizzly Apocalypse. But have no fear, Fischer has a solution— “shoot these man-eaters on sight.”

“One human being is worth more than an infinite number of grizzly bears. Another way to put it is that there is no number of live grizzlies worth one dead human being. If it’s a choice between grizzlies and humans, the grizzlies have to go. And it’s time.” […]

“Of course there is a simple answer: shoot these man-eaters on sight.” […]

“God makes it clear in Scripture that deaths of people and livestock at the hands of savage beasts is a sign that the land is under a curse. The tragic thing here is that we are bringing this curse upon ourselves.”

The comments are priceless.

“Can I just say EXCELLENT COMMENTS! Almost worth reading the “article” for.”

“The National Safety Council reports 12,000 people die falling down steps per year. There is a simple answer: all stairs should be shot on sight.”

“At least the bears aren’t gay.”


“Did you mean to post this on The Onion?”

“Never go full Fischer.”

I’m putting this guy on my RSS Feed post-haste.

Photo Source: National Park Service, AFA official photo.


3 Responses to “Going Full Fischer: Man-Eating Grizzlies Sign of Evil ‘Curse’”

  1. Going Full Fischer: Man-Eating Grizzlies Sign of Evil ‘Curse’ - ChattahBox | The Word Portal | thewordportal.com on November 10th, 2010 12:54 am

    […] ChattahBox […]

  2. Pam on November 11th, 2010 11:46 pm

    Speaking of crazies, Google “Obama Fulfilling the Bible, ” “Obama Supports Public Depravity” and “Michelle Obama’s Allah-day.” Pam

  3. Me on January 31st, 2011 4:03 am

    Isn’t the American Family Association of those who support that Kill Gays Bill in Uganda (which is basically the Holocaust all over again)? And now, we’re going to have a bunch of crazy Christians (or people who are under the impression that they are Christians) running out and buying guns just so that they can murder every last grizzly bear in existance! Great! Not enough animals on the Endangered Spiecies list or just plain extinct! And I would really like to see the “Bible” this guy studies. I mean…..did he buy a practical joke version by mistake?

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